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these two extremes that genuine love was lost. In fact, it became such a prevalent thought in the
minds of the people that “a man or woman wants the beloved to be unfaithful in order that he or
she may once again go forth in pursuit and once again experience love for its own sake”
(Rougemont 286). Herein is where the courtly love model begins to break down. Those who live
by this sword are slain by the tip of its unattainable nature. Everything about this type of love is
bent upon creating a passionate, heated romance, but nowhere in its folds is there a mechanism to
keep such a romance alive. The only concrete solution is to find a new romance, where the
process can begin anew. Rougemont sums this truth up in these haunting words:

For [she] is ever a stranger, the very essence of what is strange in woman and of all that is
eternally fugitive, vanishing, and almost hostile in a fellow-being, that which indeed
incites to pursuit, and rouses in the heart of a man who has fallen a prey to the myth an
avidity for possession so much more delightful than possession itself. She is the woman-
from-whom-one-is-parted: to possess her is to lose her. (284)
The sad truth is that none of the rules and techniques and stories teach how a married
couple can find joy and desire after years together, or how one can long for the other after
knowing that they are finally joined together. In that respect, courtly love is like dry tinder on a
flickering fire: it burns quickly, and hot, and bright, but the fire will quickly consume every last
twig and bramble. A true marriage, one based on both trust and a deep desire for the innermost
soul of the other, is like a fire that is fed first with tinder and then with sticks and logs and
timber. If it is tended and nurtured and allowed to run its course, it will burn warm and bright
long into the night.
Courtly love was born into the shifting world of chivalry, made a name for itself among
the starry-eyed dukes and ladies of the courts, tried to reconcile itself to marriage, and in the end